One Crazy Night
by 12345678910111213141516171819
Summary: A story about sibling rivalry. Chapter 8 is here. Luigi's Mansion will be involved eventually...someday...really!
1. Locked Out

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo. In case if I forgot, any other character or location that I don't own is owned by some other company.  
  
Rated PG for comic mischief and some swearing here and there, mostly censored.)  
  
***** ONE CRAZY NIGHT *****  
  
[6:30 PM :: Toad Town]  
  
--Mario walked out of Toadette's house and turned around to face her. She stood in the doorway trying to find some coins in her purse.  
  
Toadette: "Let's see...ah here you go Mario (giving him coins). Thank you for fixing my toilet on such short notice!"  
  
Mario: "You're welcome Toadette. I wouldn't want that toilet exploding in your face anymore, especially on your big hot date."  
  
Toadette: "Mario! Don't say it like that!"  
  
Mario: "What? You don't have to be ashamed; you're a very attractive toadstool."  
  
Toadette: "Mario, you're making me blush! (Looking at sky) It's getting late, I should get dressed now."  
  
Mario: "Okay, See ya."  
  
Toadette: "Bye Mario."  
  
(Door Slam)  
  
---Mario walked back home, eager to watch the new episode of "The Real World: Hyrule". When he reached his pad he could see the television's light emanating from the windows. Luigi must be home. Mario tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge. He knocked and after a while Luigi came around and poked his head out of the second-floor window.  
  
Mario: "Luigi, there seems to be something wrong with the door, it won't move!"  
  
Luigi: "That's because it's locked dumbass."  
  
Mario: "Oh...well can you unlock it?"  
  
Luigi: "No."  
  
Mario: "Thank y...wha-wha-wha-What! Why not?"  
  
Luigi: "Remember that big bowl of Lasagna that I made and I told you not to eat it AND THEN YOU ATE IT ANYWAY!"  
  
Mario: "I think. What about it?"  
  
Luigi: "Guess."  
  
--Luigi put his head back in and closed the window.  
  
Mario: "...Why did Luigi become such a &!%$# for?" 


	2. zZZZz

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)  
  
***** ONE CRAZY NIGHT *****  
  
[6:30 PM :: Bowser's Castle]  
  
Roy: "Lemmy! What the heck do you think you're doing?"  
  
--Lemmy turned around in horror. Standing in the hallway was Roy and Morton, his brothers and, unless they tattled on him, his friends.  
  
Morton: "Do you want all of us to get in trouble? What's the matter with you?"  
  
Lemmy: "Nothing! I..."  
  
Roy: "Then why are you playing 'Super Mario Sunshine'? You know how much dad hates games starring Mario."  
  
Lemmy: "I know, I know! But I had to play it at least once, just to see what all the fuss was about." -_-  
  
Roy: "Oh man, I feel sorry for you. Dad is really going to let you have it, especially after all the trouble he went through getting 'Duper Wario Lavashine'."  
  
Lemmy: "Well he's not going to find out, I just have to..."  
  
--The hallway door suddenly swung open, revealing Bowser.  
  
Roy: "Er, whatever you were going to say flew out the window. I'm out!"  
  
Morton: "Me too!"  
  
--Roy and Morton hid as Bowser slowly lumbered towards Lemmy with red, half- closed eyes.  
  
Lemmy: "Please don't hurt me King Dad, I can explain! A friend dared to me to do it, I swear! And you always told me to never back down! I DID WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO...AAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
--Lemmy cowered in fear but eventually peeked out through his arms. Bowser walked right past him as if he wasn't even there. Roy and Morton crawled out of their hiding places and looked on in astonishment. They all watched Bowser walk out of the hallway, through the front door and out of his castle, all the while shuffling slowly, his limbs swaying back and forth like lazy vines.  
  
Roy: "Wow, he must be sleepwalking!"  
  
Lemmy: "Sleepwalking? Nice, this means I get to play my game again."  
  
Roy: "Oh, well...in that case...let me play when you're done". 


	3. Delivery

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)  
  
***** ONE CRAZY NIGHT *****  
  
[6:45 PM :: Mario's Pad]  
  
(Ding-Dong!)  
  
-Luigi ran downstairs and went straight up to the front door but didn't open it.  
  
Luigi: "Who is it?"  
  
Mario: (garbled voice) "Pizza Delivery!"  
  
Luigi: "I didn't order any pizza."  
  
Mario: "Really? Shoot, well here you can have the pizza for free."  
  
Luigi: "Are kidding me?"  
  
Mario: "No sir! Our new rule is that if we deliver to the wrong house the person gets a free pizza, no strings attached!"  
  
Luigi: "That's the worst campaign I've ever heard. Let me see the pizza, you can show it through the window."  
  
Mario: "Uh I can't...it's against the campaign rules...you have to open the door first."  
  
Luigi: "I thought there were no strings attached?"  
  
Mario: "I lied."  
  
Luigi: "Can you at least tell me what the toppings are?"  
  
Mario: "Yes, sausage and pineapple with green peppers here and there."  
  
Luigi: "That sounds gross and disgusting. Pass."  
  
Mario: "STOP LYING LUIGI YOU KNOW THAT"S YOUR FAVORITE..."  
  
Luigi: "..."  
  
Mario: "Oops."  
  
Luigi: "Nice try though." (Walking away from door)  
  
Mario: "Wait, come on Luigi you're not being fair. Your own brother..."  
  
--No answer.  
  
Mario: "Alright already, I'm sorry for eating your food. It's not like it's the first time I ate your stuff without permission. Look, I'll make dinner for the next month, how about that? Or maybe the next week. Hmm, yeah a week is better. Or maybe a day. What do you think?"  
  
--Luigi tossed a Power Hammer out the window and it conked Mario on his head. 


	4. Tears 1

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)  
  
***** ONE CRAZY NIGHT *****  
  
[7:14 PM :: Club 64]  
  
--Mario was hurting from the hammer thrown at him, so he thought the best cure was to go to the local dive and drink until the pain stopped. There wasn't a lot of people in Club 64 and Mario's only companion right now is the barkeep.  
  
Mario: "Bartender?"  
  
Bartender: "Yeah?"  
  
Mario: "Do you have a brother?"  
  
Bartender: "Nope."  
  
Mario: "Man, you're lucky. I have a brother...Luigi."  
  
Bartender: "Yeah, I think I've heard of him. What about it?"  
  
Mario: "Nothing much, except that he locked me out of my own house, acts like a &!%$#, and then hits me with a Flying Hammer...and...and it hurts...it hurts bad...right here...and here...and also there." (Starts crying.)  
  
Bartender: ALRIGHT that's enough Tasty Tonic for one day.  
  
Mario: (Still crying) "Come on barkeep, I need my juice!"  
  
Bartender: "You've drunken too much."  
  
Mario: "I only had one cup!"  
  
Bartender: "One too many, apparently."  
  
Toadette: "Mario?"  
  
--Mario turned to his side and was surprised to see his neighbor here. He fixes himself while the bartender walks away not very interested.  
  
Mario: "...Toadette? What are you doing here, don't you have a date?"  
  
Toadette: "I did at least."  
  
Mario: "Oh no, the toilet exploded in your face again?"  
  
Toadette: "No, my date did."  
  
Mario: "WTF are you talking about?"  
  
Toadette: "I was dating a Bob-omb and he exploded in my face."  
  
Mario: "Oh, okay I get it now."  
  
Toadette: "How come you're here?"  
  
Mario: "My brother hit me with a flying hammer."  
  
Toadette: "Yeah...............life blows." 


	5. Tears 2

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)  
  
***** ONE CRAZY NIGHT *****  
  
[7:29 PM :: Toad Town]  
  
--Mario and Toadette leave Club 64 and start walking to their homes. They continue their conversation on why Luigi would hit Mario with a hammer.  
  
Mario: "...I don't get it. I always eat his food. Almost everyday I think. And now he wants to start throwing random junk at my head? Why?"  
  
Toadette: "Because you keep eating his food without asking and he probably thought this time was the last straw."  
  
Mario: "Yeah I guess..."  
  
Toadette: "Hey aren't you always talking about how Luigi's cooking is terrible and it smells like cat food and it makes cats come to you house and eat it and then live there because it smells like cat food?"  
  
Mario: "Um, I might have said that."  
  
Toadette: "Gee no wonder Luigi is so mad. You should stop eating his food without permission and also stop referring it to pet food! Maybe then he'll stop throwing hammers at your face!"  
  
Mario: O_O "Don't use that tone with me! Anyway, what if I told you not to date Bob-ombs anymore because of the fact that they blow up all the time?"  
  
Toadette: "We're talking about two different situations now."  
  
Mario: "Not really. Both are hazards to our health. The only thing is that I might get another bruise and you might die one day."  
  
Toadette: "Hmm you got a point. There is just something about Bob-ombs though, they just have this amazing sense of sarcastic humor."  
  
Mario: "Riiiiiiiiight."  
  
Toadette: "Yeah so...anyway, back to the subject. It's really not fair to Luigi if you eat all the food he worked so hard to make. What if.........hey, do hear that?"  
  
Mario: No. What?  
  
Toadette: "Someone nearby is crying."  
  
Mario: "So?"  
  
Toadette: "So they might be in trouble!"  
  
--Toadette and Mario followed the sound of crying down a block and finally around the corner. They were both shocked by what they saw.  
  
Bowser: *Sniffle*  
  
Toadette: "King Koopa?"  
  
Mario: "Bowser!"  
  
Bowser: O_O "...DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!" 


	6. Did he or did he not eat the homeless!

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)

**ONE CRAZY NIGHT**

**7:37 PM :: Toad Town**

--Bowser was sitting on the curb at the corner of Shroom Street and Fungi Avenue. He tried to conceal his tears but the more he tried the more he cried. Every cry Bowser made sounded like dump trucks slamming into a brick wall.

Mario: "Arrggh! Bowser, please stop crying so loudly! You'll wake up the whole neighborhood!"

Bowser: "WAAAAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Toadette: "Something has to be done! My ears are beginning to bleed!"

Mario: "Bowser, please stop crying. I'll give you cookies."

Bowser: ?"

Mario: "Yep, I have a whole bunch waiting for us at home. Here, dry your yellow eyes."

--Bowser took the handkerchief from Mario and it caught on fire.

Toadette: "What th..?"

Mario: "Yeah, Bowser's tears are part sulphuric acid, part kerosene, part fire-starting shiznit."

Toadette: O.O

Bowser: "That's nothing, you should see me blow my nose." (_sniff_)

Mario: "Another time. What I want to know is why are sitting here all alone, in the middle of the evening, crying to yourself like as if I just beat you up again."

Bowser: "I'd eat your limbs right now for saying that, but I really want those cookies. Honestly, I don't know how or why I ended up here."

Toadette: "What do you mean?"

Bowser: "What do you mean by what do you mean? What do you think I mean? **I have no idea how or why I've gotten to where I am at this point!"**

Toadette: "Someone here is obviously in a bad mood. Maybe we should leave?"

Mario: "Yeah lets leave him."

Bowser: "NO DON'T LEAVE ME PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! All I know is that I went to sleep in my castle and started dreaming. I was dreaming about flying. But I was flying in a huge ocean. So, yeah I was swimming. Anyway when I left the ocean I appeared on the set of Third Watch. That's when..."

Toadette: "Ick, Third watch? That show blows."

Bowser: "Speak for yourself that is one of the best shows ever of all time!"

Toadette: "Yeah I guess if you like lame, melodramatic..."

Bowser: "I'm not finished talking about my dream yet! So I was on the set of Third Watch and then one of the cops, the manly woman one, walked over to me. She said 'I don't take crap from anyone!!!' and she shoved a donut in my nose. That's when I woke up and these homeless kids were trying to eat my tail and I got really scared."

Mario: "Okay..."

Bowser: "..."

Mario: "So what happened next?"

Bowser: "Oh right...I ate them. I ate the children. They were good."

_---Silence---_

Bowser: "I'm just kidding, hahah!"

--Mario and Toadette let out a relieved laugh.

Bowser: "Or am I?"

_---Silence---_

Bowser: "Yeah I'm kidding. COOKIE TIME! COOKIE TIME! COOKIE TIME! COOK..."


	7. Reel Big Bowser

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)

**ONE CRAZY NIGHT**

**8:22 PM :: Toad Town**

--Mario, Toadette and Bowser climb out of the pipe that comes from Toad Town and walk towards Mario's pad...

Bowser: "So this is what your house? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I figured you would be living in a palace by now."

Mario: "Who needs a palace. Everything I need is right inside. Now if only Luigi would let us in."

Bowser: "Move over, I could blow this popsicle house over with one breath."

Mario: "I was going to tell you to pretend to be a pizza delivery man but this works well too."

Toadette: "Aren't you afraid that he'll blow down your house?"

Mario: "Not when there are cookies inside."

--Just as Bowser was going do his deed, a Lakitu flew right in front of his face.

Lakitu: "Halt! This property is restricted!"

Bowser: "...! Restricted to whom?"

Lakitu: "Restricted to all of those who are not Mr. Luigi Mario. I only allow those to enter if he says to."

Bowser: "Traitor! So you're working for the enemy now."

Lakitu: "And it seems your doing the same."

--Lakitu looks over Bowser's shoulder and sees Mario and Toadette."

Bowser: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the reason for which I am with them is none of your business, nor is what I came to eat is any of your business."

Lakitu: "Fine."

--Bowser attempts to walk into Mario's pad but he is stopped once again.

Lakitu: "Access is denied. This property is restricted."

Bowser: "I AM YOUR MASTER AND I CAN ENTER WHEREVER I WANT."

--Bowser stomps his way to Mario's Pad a third time. Lakitu pulls his fishing pole from his cloud and attaches the hook on Bowser's shell. He reels him in and sends him flying through the air, into a bushel of thorns. Mario and Toadette are stunned by the Lakitu's strength. Mario looks toward one of his windows and sees Luigi's image flash by.

Mario: "We're dealing with something evil."


	8. CAPS LOCK

(A/N: Mario, Luigi, and all other related characters in the Mario Universe belong to Nintendo.)

**ONE CRAZY NIGHT**

**8:25 PM :: Toad Town**

Bowser: "BOOHOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

--Bowser was crying again. Mario and Toadette pulled out of the bushel of thorns and attempted to pull the thorns out of Bowser's backside but his wiggling made it too difficult and the sounds he made didn't help much. Bowser's crying sounded like an erupting volcano spewing out glass. Mario walked over to the Lakitu.

Mario: "Why did my brother hire you?"

Lakitu: "WHAT?"

Mario: "Why did MY brother hire you!?"

Lakitu: "I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!"

Bowser: "BOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!"

Mario: "WHY DID LUIGI HIRE YOU? WHY ARE YOU HERE FOR?"

Lakitu: "THE REASON FOR MY HIRING HAS TO BE TAKEN UP BY MY EMPLOYER. YOU WILL HAVE TO SPEAK TO HIM."

Mario: "CAN I GO IN?"

Lakitu: "WHAT?"

Mario: "CAN I GO IN PLEASE? THIS IS MY HOUSE!"

Lakitu: "ACCESS IS DENIED! THE ONLY ONES WHO MAY ENTER..."

Mario: "LUIGI!"

Bowser: "BOOHOOHOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHH!

Luigi: "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

--Luigi tosses a power hammer out the window and hits Bowser in the head. He passes out cold.

Luigi: "No one can enter this house."

Mario: "What, you mean forever? This is my house"

Luigi: "This is my house too. I pay my share of the bills with my job at Burger King. Can't you understand that there is no way you're going to get in?"

Mario: "..."

Luigi: "And one more thing."

--Luigi tosses a power hammer out the window and hits Mario on the head


End file.
